Yup, that is how I would sum up the last couple of weeks after an abnormal pap smear resulted in some minor outpatient surgery.
Don’t worry. Everything is fine. But food became a central part of dealing with the situation.
Let me see: The day the doctor told me I required surgery, I decided that a buffalo burger and sweet potato fries were in order. Monday before surgery it was a combination of cheeseburger, garlic fries and a blizzard treat. The night before surgery — when you think fear would make me not hungry — I ate pasta with a fattening and scrumptious alfredo sauce.
I’ll be honest. The food was just OK. It didn’t make me feel less jittery nor did it make me feel guilty for eating it.
This time around, I realized my stressed-fueled eating binges weren’t about having food comfort me. It was about control.
I couldn’t control what was going to happen with my body. I couldn’t prevent the need for surgery or control the outcome of the test that made my pap smear abnormal.
What I could control in this situation was what I ate and how much I ate. So when I wanted a burger that was what I was going to have. No one could tell me no. Soda, ice cream, every French fry on the plate … each item was under my command.
Not the healthiest way to approach food, but that is the thing with stress eating, it is about the control.
The best lesson I can take away from all of this? Well, if I am eating to feel in control, then this is the opportunity to let that control dictate good decisions: Eat the orange instead of the ice cream, pick buffalo instead of ground beef, eat a salad instead of fries.
Control can, and should, lead to better decisions.
Food Junkie Discovery
I don’t really have a discovery this week. One of my goals is to eat more fruit. Right now, I am really enjoying the oranges that local stores have on special. That is the great thing about this time of the year. Some of the fruit is re-emerging, making it a little easier to find good quality.
