Smoking Blog

I had three cigarettes last night while at a friend’s house.

I feel mildly guilty, but it’s not the end of the world.

Cigarettes smoked: 0

Mood: normal

Anything else to report? Not really.

no nicotine on my lips. 

I haven’t had a smoke today. 

nor any clever quips … about smoking and stuff. Ummm….

Wow, what a writer.  :0) You’d think I did this professionally or something. 

Night, all.

I was a bit of a bad girl after work yesterday, when I went to a friend’s house and had three (3!) cigarettes. 

I’m just not doing so well with this side of  quitting.  I can go days without, but if I’m near a friend who will let me have one, it’s a deal breaker. Poop.

 I have roller derby practice tonight, and a number of my friends smoke.  So the activity of the day will be to just say no — and not ask for any either.

so good.  No smokes today.

Noticed my smokers cough has disappeared.  

I’m now waiting for the other benefits to appear. I hear food is supposed to start tasting super amazing. When does that happen?

First off,  I have to admit that I bummed plenty of cigarettes off my friends on Saturday, during the Fun Fest and Cruz the Cruise.

But Sunday was smoke free, as was most of today. I did buy one off of a friend this evening, but that was more a matter of self indulgence than need.

So where does that put me? I don’t feel like I have to have cigarettes anymore. I haven’t bought a pack since before Labor Day, and I’m not obsessing about them anymore.

My best friend is coming to town on Thursday, so the goal is to not have a single cigarette from this moment forward until he leaves. And after he does go, hopefully I won’t want them at all.

Status check:

Had a menthol today. Bummed it from Adeline. They’re kind of yucky in their minty-ness. 

Nicotine urges aren’t too bad, surprisingly. 

Not as much of a wreck as I was yesterday. Helped that I talked with a friend  for an hour or two on the phone last night. He made me recognize my skewed logic about my life and family.

Sanity had rushed back in.

Severe depression at bay. 

Still not happy, but  meeting some goals.

I either bummed two or three cigarettes from a friend yesterday. I think it was two … 

Anyway,  I didn’t smoke at all at work yesterday, although, like I said, I’ve felt like a basket case and I attribute that in part to this whole quitting thing. I did try to get a co-worker to sell me a cigarette but he was out.  Good.

When I finally did have my first smoke around 7:30 or 8 p.m., it wasn’t even that pleasurable. It wasn’t at all like the one I had on Monday, where I felt a wave of relief the moment I took my first puff. This time, it was a little yucky.

My progress dipped last night when I bummed three cigarettes from a friend.  Obviously I have no will power, and my friends are too nice to tell me no.

Who knows how I would react if they did?  I’m a basket case lately. Partially because of the quitting, and in part because I’m just genuinely depressed about my life.  Makes for a lot of tears and hiding out in my apartment. Joy.  On the plus side, I’m not spending any money on tobacco anymore.

I’d say I couldn’t help it, but that wouldn’t be honest.

Now, I have no choice.

I got through my morning til almost 11 a.m. without a smoke.

But  by that time I got so anxious that I went after the last cigarette in a pack that a co-worker had tucked away in her drawer. They’re my brand. There was one left. I gave her .25 cents for it. 

Smoking that last cigarette was kind of amazing, although I felt guilty about it. It made my fingers tingle and the sense of relief was palpable. And then it burned out all too soon.

Now tomorrow will have to be my first completely smoke-free work day. Oh well. One cigarette is a lot better than the half pack I used to go through daily.